Sweet Magnolia: one day at a time

as i sit here writing this i think back on how slack i have been, to be completely honest it's not slacking (even if that would be the easier answer) it's fear! I have come to terms that i live in a constant state of fear and frankly that i no way to live the best years of my life! i have recently started attending al-anon meetings to cope with this and learn how to get past it. To give ya'll an example of what I fear I have made a list

I've picked the wrong major
I live in the wrong city
I'm failing my husband
the bills won't get paid
the house isn't clean enough (if a surprise guest comes over)
I wont be able to have breakfast
the dog wont get enough exercise
the house we want will be rented before we come up with the deposit
I'll never have a published book
J wont find his dream job
The students I teach will not have a fulfilling time in class
That painting wont get done
I will loose my car keys
My phone didn't charge
I run away from my problems
My nails will never grow because I keep biting them
I wont get to do my dream job (consulting for Phi Mu)
I can't loose this last 10 pounds
My loved ones won't get better
I need to find a good carpet cleaner
My ears wont stop itching therefor I must have a terminal disease (yes I am a hypochondriac)
My wedding rings will fall off today and end up in some students art work (or my own) and I'll never find them against
Chris wont get the care package I sent
my blog will never pass 4 followers
Chris wont come home
my english paper wont get done
I wont stop worrying over EVERYTHING

this all happens in my head at least before 10 a.m.

mom calls me chicken little, I truly live up to this! I mean honestly who on earth needs to live this way?! Not me!!! I'm letting the little things go. Today I made a list of homework I had to do and it honestly wasn't as scary as I was letting myself think it would be. I am surrounded by family that I love and that loves me back. Seriously, that should be enough to keep me in check, but my brain gets ahead of me.

Mom keeps telling me to give it over to God and he will take care of me. As much as I know the truth in this statement I can't seem to make myself live it. These past months have been so crazy I couldn't seem to find the time to find myself.

How crazy does that sound?! I don't know who I am? I mean I can list off a billion things that define me but nothing seems to be the missing puzzle piece (don't worry I won't make another list) I'm still not sure what it is that makes me me but I am working hard and praying harder to figure it out. I look back at pictures and art that I have done and say "damn, that girl has got it together" but really, I don't think I have it any less together than I did then it's just a new set of circumstances.

There aren't many people in my situation and I seem to be where I can't find anyone else that is actually...I know ya'll are out there! Teach me!!! haha I've said this to people and they always try to match my place and as encouraging as that is I just need to know that I am unique, my situation is unique, and my life is unique because that is who God made me and that is where he wanted me to be at this time in my life. It's my job to figure it out from here. Ok, I lied I am going to make another list, a small one :) this is who or what I am right now:

a 21 year old
wife
student
sorority sister
student teacher
regular sister
friend
novice cook
wine lover
habit former
God lover
baby wanter (not really a word, don't care)
artist

I want to find someone like me...to connect with and to vent with and to oggle over baby pictures, maternity clothes, new cities, big little gifts, wedding plans (even tho I already had my wedding), all while drinking wine! I found someone pretty close to all these things but (unfortunately) she is an engineer with absolutely no spare time haha

I keep telling myself "one day at a time" or on really hard days "one hour at a time" I know I can get through this but it's going to be hard and stressful but I can do it!

Ok if you made it all the way through this post I will reward you with some pictures of fun things I have done lately (and by lately I mean in the past few months I have been away!)